Bear Grylls' wife has a golden shower fetish, that's why he drinks piss so she can kiss him again.

I just said today that Yugoslavian supporters are heavily based in some backneck woods called Slovania

I FOUND THE THE NSFW ACCOUNT

The Music. It doesn't Stop. I hate it. 

I can't stop it.

It goes on and on and on but noone minds it, some of them even like it. But the sounds never stop it's drilling into my ears and making me angry, I don't want to hear it anymore.

My ears. they make me hear. If they weren't there I wouldn't have this music.

YEs, if I take out my ears then I can't hear the music anymore. All I have to do is jam something inside so deep I won't hear anymore.

Yes I can do it.

Deeper, deeper THe MUSic Is GOIng AWay.

NOw FOr THe OTHer ONe. YEs DEEper.

YES, THE MUSIC IS GONE.

IN=(INterviewer)

CE=(CElebrity)

------------------------------------------

*Guest walks in*

IN: Hello, welcome to "Watching Paint Dry"

IN: Today our guest is (Celebrity name).

CE: It's a pleasure to be here.

*CE reaches out to shake hands*

*Crowd cheers*

*IN looks up quickly only with his eyes and doesn't shake hands*

IN: First question.

*CE Sits down*

*Crowd cheers*

IN: What's it like being friends with Mr.Clint?

*Silence*

CE:Wait, I'm sorry, who?

*Crowd cheers*

IN: Mr.Clint, Mr.Clint Eastwood, What's it like being friends with him.

CE: I- I wouldn't know cause I'm not friends with Clint Eastwood.

IN: Yea, but uuhhh... what do you think it would be like to be Mr.Clint Eastwoods friend?

*Crowd cheers*

CE: I guess it'd be pretty cool, he'd tell stories about the old days shooting westerns and-

IN: Spaghetti, Spaghetti Westerns.

CE: What?

IN: It's Spaghetti Westerns not westerns.

IN: Get it right.

*Silence*

CE: Uh-

IN: Second question, What is your favorite Clint Eastwood movie?

*Crowd cheers*

CE: I guess, "The Good the Bad and the Ugly?"

IN: Is that a question or an answer.

*Crowd cheers*

CE: An answer.

IN: Third question.

[At this point the cheers aren't ending]

CE: Look, I don't really watch-

IN: If you could spend an entire day with Mr.Clint Eastwood, what would you do?

CE: Look, I don't actually like Clint Eatwoods-

IN: Get out.

*CE looks confused*

IN: Get out, go.

IN: Go, shoo, get.

IN: I said go.

*IN kicks at CE*

*CE backs out looking worried*

*CE leaves*

*Clint Eastwood comes out from behind the chair*

IN: Nah, nah it's ruined.

CE: I'm sorry I forgot my-

CE: Who's that?

IN: GET OUT!!!

[End credits play] 

I'm in bed.

My eyes are closed as I listen to some audio.

Silent men watch me as I sleep.

I know they're not there but they refuse to touch me.

I know so long as my body stays inside the bed they cannot pass through to me.

My foot and hand stick out.

They refuse to touch.

It's late

The sun is up, light shining in

I go to brush my teeth and take a piss

See behind me the shadow of a foot

I look behind and I realize it's just the frames of my glasses.